she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't turn off my feet"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
