This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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