so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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