ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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