after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
