my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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