So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
