I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
