You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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