Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
