Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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