Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
