i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
