I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
