oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
