i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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