LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
