I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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