I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
