Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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