No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize