her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
