You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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