South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
