Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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