White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
