It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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