if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
