It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
