Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
