chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
