who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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