and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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