HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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