guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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