i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
