What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
