I don't usually arrange sex via text message
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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