If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
