we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
