Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bring me that man meat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
