broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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