Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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