So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
