i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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