It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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