She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
