your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
