do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
