Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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