do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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