God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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