NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
