why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
