I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
