if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
