I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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