i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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