new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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