The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
