i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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