I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
