Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
