You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
