Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
