someone owes me an orgasm
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
