Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize