I'm drive I can fine osifer
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
